


I'm Sorry

by queenvidal



Series: Spectre Business [1]
Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Angst and Feels, F/M, Grief/Mourning, Hate to Love, Love/Hate, Post-Break Up, Regret
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-22
Updated: 2019-04-28
Packaged: 2020-01-24 05:36:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,218
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18565003
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/queenvidal/pseuds/queenvidal
Summary: The last thing Shepard wants is to have her ex boyfriend aboard, but little does she knows how much she'll regret what she said.Takes place during ME1 and shortly after ME1 events





	1. Chapter 1

As soon as Joker announced the jump through the mass portal Shepard made her way to the bridge.

 

She quickly stops in track when she recognizes the figure standing behind the pilots seat. With a roll of her eyes she takes her place next to Joker without even looking at Nihlus.

 

Out of the corner of her eyes she can see him looking at her but she refuses to say anything to him.

 

“Hey, Shep.” The pilot greats her with a small and quick fading smile. He can't stand it when others look too closely at all his actions. “Coming for a show?”

 

“Always.” She jokes back, only to return to her business face immediately, it feels wrong to be casual around her camarads and in fact friends when the turian is around.

 

Joker quickly enters a few codes before he hits the portal. “Going through.”

 

The Normandy jumps through the space and comes to a halt in a new system.

 

“Thrusters check, navigation check. Internal emissions sink engaged. All systems online. Drift just under 1500k.” Joker says as he controls his console.

 

Nihlus nods. “1500 is good, your captain will be pleased.” He takes one final look at Shepard before he turns around and leaves the bridge.

 

Joker quickly looks over his shoulder, when he's sure the turian is out of earshot he turns around again. “I hate that guy.”

 

Kaidan chuckles. “Nihlus gave you a compliment, so you hate him?”

 

Joker turns to Kaidan with a grunt. “You remember to zip up your jumpsuit on the way out of your bathroom? That's _good_ . I just jumped us halfway across the galaxy and hit a target the size of a pinhead. So that's _incredible_.”

 

Shaking his head Jokers focus returns to his own console. “Besides Spectres are trouble. I don't like having him around, call me paranoid.”

 

“You are paranoid!” The Sentinel continues. “The council helped fund this project. They have a right to send someone to keep an eye on their investment.”

 

“Yeah, yeah.” The pilot sighs as he enters in new codes. “That's the official story. But only an idiot believes the official story, right Shep?”

 

The Commander let's her arms fall to her sides as she finally relaxes her posture. “The council could have sent any Specter, yet they sent him, they are not concerned about the Normandy. The sooner he's off my ship the better.”

 

“Well, technically it's Captain Andersons ship.” Joker smiles dirty.

 

“And technically-” Shepard whispers as she pulls Jokers cap from his head. “You know what I'm meaning.”

 

“Hey, that's mean!” The pilot complains as he tears his cap out of the Commanders hands. “Since when are you sensitive? Pissed you two can't share your bunks?”

 

“Don't test my tamper, Mr. Moreau.” Shepard hisses through gritted teeth. As much as she loves Joker, sometimes she wants to hit him for daring too much.

 

Kaidan turns his seat to face Shepard, done with his calibrations for the next course. “Okay, I feel like I'm missing something.”

 

Joker just snorts. “Yeah, like you don't know it, Alenko.”

 

“What do I not know?”

 

Jeff stays quiet, he knows it's not on him to tell Kaidan without Shepards permission. She sighs before she faces Kaidan.

 

“Nihlus and I were a thing.”

 

The jaw of the Sentinel drops to the ground. “What?”

 

“Yep.” She sighs. “Just a few months ago.”

 

“Before he went total asshole.” Joker adds in a angry tone.

 

“May I ask what happened?”

 

Shepard considers not to say anything else but since almost everyone knows about the famous Specter and the war hero of the Alliance, she can as well just tell him.

 

“We met shortly after the ceremony of the Alliance on the Citadel, when I returned from Elysium. We quickly had a relationship until from one day to another he went racist on me. Said turians and humans shouldn't be together and it all was a big mistake.”

 

Kaidans eyes go wide, unable to say anything to this story.

 

“Yep, that's exactly how I've been looking at him when he told me that.” The ping of her omnitool announces a new message. “Oh for fuck sake.” She curses lowly.

 

“Is he already missing you?” The pilot jokes.

 

“Looks like it.” Shepard says while she deletes Nihlus message unread. “I swear I'm going crazy.”

 

Andersons voice comes over the speakers “Commander Shepard, I need to speak to you in my cabin.”

 

“Uh, is someone in trouble?” Joker smiles brightly at her.

 

She just rolls her eyes and turns on her heels. “Bite me, Jeff.”

 

Quickly the Commander makes her way to the elevator, she hits the button for the mess hall a bit harder than necessary.

 

Finally on the deck she goes for the captains cabin, she knocks before she enters. “How can I be of service?”

 

Anderson is sitting at his desk and signs Shepard to sit on the seat across of him. “I have to talk to you, Lynette.”

 

He's using her first name, so it's nothing business related. “Okay.” She says as she sits down with her legs crossed.

 

“I feel uncomfortable for addressing that, especially to you but… well, I'm certain you are aware of regulations regarding fraternizing aboard a ship of the Alliance.”

 

Shepard facepalms. That's more than uncomfortable. “Oh no. Please don't tell me you wanted to see me to have some sort of ‘father-daughter-talk’ with me.”

 

“It is as unpleasant to me as it is to you.”

 

“I highly doubt that, Anderson.”

 

He sighs before he continues. “Can you assure me that whatever that is between you and Nihlus won't cause any trouble during missions and the time here on the ship.”

 

“I can but allow me one question, why the hell is he even here?”

 

“That's something we discuss tomorrow. I know you hate secrets but for now I'm not allowed to tell you.”

 

Of cause not. Shepard tries to resist the urge of rolling her eyes. “Fine. Anything else?”

 

“Have you two talked about… you know, afterwards.”

 

“Nope, I packed my things and left. Haven't seen or heard from him ever since and as far as I'm concerned, I'd like to keep it that way.”

 

She knows the space on the ship is limited and therefore the chance of running into him pretty high but she can at least try to avoid him.

 

Anderson just nods silently. “Just do me the favor and stay professional, okay? This is not meant to anger you.”

 

“Yeah, sure.” She whispers more to herself when she stands up. She salutes casually at her captain before she leaves his cabin again.

 

\--

 

It's lunchtime in the mess and Kaidan and Dr. Chakwas share a table. Being the kind and caring man Kaidan is he placed a full tablet at the empty seat next to him.

 

He and Karin discuss his current episode of headaches when the Commander finally shows up. “Ah, perfect, thank you very much, Kaidan.”

 

He simply smiles at her as she takes her seat. Shepard doesn't really takes part of their conversation, she's more concentrated on the ‘food’ in front of her.

 

She can't suppress the annoyed groan when a certain turian comes in sight.

 

“Lynette, do you got a minute?”

 

“The correct salutation is Commander Shepard and no, I don't.” She hisses and continues with her meal.

 

Kaidan and Karin look at each other, both uncomfortable with the situation. The turian sighs and goes for the elevator.

 

Karin looks at Shepard. “Was that really necessary?”

 

“No, a fork in his ribs may be.”

 

“Shepard, come on. You're an adult woman.”

 

Shepard pushes her tablet. “Know what, I'm not hungry anymore.” And with that she leaves. Everyone in the mess looks after her but she doesn't care.

 

\--

 

“Spectre, I can't believe it.” Shepard just returned from her meeting with Anderson and Nihlus. She immediately made her way to her best friend and took the copilot seat.

 

“Yeah, about time, huh?” Joker says. “Why only having asari, salarians and turians as puppets, let's put humans into the theater as well.”

 

“Of cause they would sent Nihlus to test me. Let's put Shepard and her racist ex into a small ass ship and let them do missions together.” She says sarcastically.

 

After a small rant both watch the stars in silence while they wait for captain Andersons order to go planet-side.

 

Shepard hears steps coming closer and without turning around she already knows it's him again. “Commander Shepard, I need to talk to you.”

 

“I'm busy.”

 

“That is not a request.”

 

She looks at Joker with a look of annoyance before she stands up. “Lead the way.”

 

Both make their way to the comm room. When the door closes, Nihlus turns around to face her.

 

“Shepard this is as unpleasant for as it is to you.”

 

“I bet.”

 

“It's just for the following mission, after that I'll report to the council and take my leave.”

 

Shepard crosses her arms. “Is that all?”

 

“No, I… I'm sorry how this between us ended and I understand that you're still hurt or angry, but you have to forget that when we are on Eden Prime.”

 

“Don't you fucking dare to tell me how I should feel and act, you're not in the position!”

 

“Lynette, look-”

 

“Don't you Lynette me!”

 

Over the speakers Jokers orders everyone to get ready for the mission and the ground team to get prepared.

 

Nihlus tries once again. “I know that I hurt you, okay? And I'm sorry.”

 

Shepard isn't having it, she turns on her heels and goes for the door. “I don't care, just drop dead.”

 

 

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

Shepard enters the cargo hold in full gear, ready to get the beacon. With her Mantis on her back she leans against the wall, waiting for Anderson and Nihlus to show up.

But instead of them, Kaidan and Jenkins join her, also in full gear. "Hey, Shep." Kaidan greets her casually. "Ready to go?"

"Wait, what? Why are you two here, Anderson said only me and Nihlus?"

Jenkins salutes her "A distress call, ma'am, Captain Anderson and Spectre Nihlus agreed on sending a small group."

Shepard frowns. "A what? Okay, hold on." Are they serious? They don't even though it would be necessary to inform her?

Irritated with that piece of information the Commander goes for the elevator, she needs to talk with them.

When the doors open Nihlus steps out. "Good, you're already here." He simply says, as he tries to round her but Shepard puts her hand on his carapace, stopping him from moving.

"Wait." She quickly takes her hand away again, finally realizing the intimate gesture. "What's that with a distress call, what's going on?"

Nihlus nods to a quiet corner of the cargo hold and Shepard follows him. Now in a more private area the turian opens his omnitool and shows the Commander the footage.

"There's no more comm traffic after that, that was twenty minutes ago. Anderson and I figured a small strike team could move quickly without drawing attention. Our main goal is still to secure the beacon."

Shepard sighs. Now this is going to get complicated. "Okay, and the survivors, do we evacuate them?"

Nihlus rewinds the video, to the moment with the unknown ship. "Have you ever seen something like this?" He asks in a dry tone.

The Commander takes a closer look. "What the hell is that? Looks like a giant tick."

"I have no idea what a tick is, but with this unknown structure down there and no comm traffic I doubt we'll find any survivors."

Shepards head snaps up. "We? So you're coming with me?" Us, goddamn, she means us.

But before Nihlus could answer, Anderson orders the team to to gather around him. Shepard didn't even realized he's already down here.

Anderson orders Joker to go down before he turns his attention to the ground team. "Okay, Shepard. Your team's the muscle in this operation. Go in heavy and head straight for the dig side."

Jokers voice comes over the speakers. "Approaching drop point one." Nihlus nods and goes for the open hangar.

"Hey, you're not going alone!" Shepard yells after him.

He simply offers "I'm faster by my own."

"Oh come on, Nihlus! Going alone is su-" But the Spectre is already out.

"Icide… perfect." Shepard rolls her eyes.

Anderson tries to explain. "Nihlus will scout out ahead. He'll feed your status reports throughout the mission, otherwise I want radio silence."

"Alright, ready and able, sir."
    
    
      
    
      
    
    

\--
    
    
      
    
      
    
    

They are only on the ground for five minutes and already lost Jankins to drones. Shepard can't help but worry about Nihlus. He's trained for this and well experienced but his alone.

After Shepard and Kaidan took down a second wave of drones Nihlus finally calls in over the radio.

"I've got some burned out buildings here, Shepard. A lot of bodies. I'm going to check it out. I'll try to catch up with you at the dig site."

She almost answers him but she has to keep Andersons order in mind. And as long as she can hear the low white noice from Nihlus radio connection everything should be fine.

A new wave of drones demands her attention. Kaidan and her push forward when another soldier enters the battlefield. Drones are following her but she manages to shot them down.

Shepard orders Kaidan to stop, wanting to get a better look when she recognizes Geth following the woman.

Quickly they run for her to give her cover and within seconds the machines lay dead on the ground.

The soldier, Ashley Williams, explains the current situation and what had happened. Together they make their way to the dig side, past the spikes with humans on it. Shepard tries not to think about it.

When they arrive at the dig side the beacon is not there anymore. It was moved but for now it's unclear by whom. After a short time of consideration Shepards orders the team to move forward to the camp once Nihlus has arrived.

After two minutes he radios in again. "Change of plans, Shepard. There's a small spaceport up ahead."

Goddammit. Once they are back on the Normandy she'll have a bone to pick with him. Her team moves forward, when the spikes release their still living victims.

They are forced to fight them, but they don't look human anymore. The Geth must have done something to him.

After they cleared out the camp and took care of two survivors, the small team moves on to the spaceport Nihlus mentioned.

When they get around a corner they have a perfect few on the port.

Kaidan stops in track. "What is that? Off in the distance." That's the structure Nihlus showed Shepard before they moved. It's gigantic.

"Nihlus showed me." Shepard says. "It landed here during the atta-"

A shoot in the distance distracts them. Suddenly the low white noise from Nihlus radio is gone. Shepard feels her heart racing.

"Nihlus?" She asks over the radio but gets no answer. "Nihlus, do you copy?" But again, only since.

Oh, no. "Okay, move!" Shepard orders as she starts running towards the port.

Several Geth groups attack them together with the turned humans. Within minutes the area seems to be save and Shepard and her team even manages to save survivors, who were hiding during the attack. They mentioned a burgundy turian passed them.

Shepard orders the small group to stay down and wait for the evac. She feels sick with worry about Nihlus.

When the Commander enters the port a new wave of Geth attacks. Hidden behind crates she and her team fight them back but they are more aggressive than the groups before. The beacon must be close.

Shepard has to move several times to get clean shorts with her sniper rifle when she sees blue blood at the crates a few meters in front of her. "Oh, no. Shit."

She quickly pushes forward to reach the bloodstained crates. When she approaches them she discoveres Nihlus, who's lying motionless on the ground.

"No, no, no, no!" She tries to reach him. His pulse is weak, he's still alive but he needs medical treatment immediately. "Fuck! Don't you dare dying on me!"

Fuck Andersons order. She radios Joker. "Normandy, I need an evac, ASAP! We lost Jankins and we're about to lose Nihlus as well!"

Joker rogers that and Anderson gives his permission to pick the team up. In the meantime Ashley and Kaidan took down the remaining enemies and now come for her and Nihlus.

"Shit, what happened?" Kadain curses as he tries to aid the turian.

Suddenly they hear movement behind them. Ashley takes aim at the intruder.

It's a human called Powell, who tries to explain what happened. When he explains Nihlus got shot by a turian named Saren, Shepard wants to scream in frustration.

She and Saren have a history, one that makes her wanting to punch him on sight ever since. Now hearing he tried to kill the Spectre he trained himself makes her furious.

But they still have to find the beacon, if Saren is really the mastermind behind all this, they have to get it before he does. If he's willing to commit murder for it, it must be a important artefact.

"Okay, Williams, you stay here with Nihlus and Powell, you wait for Joker to pick you up. Kaidan you're coming with me, we have to get the beacon!"

As hard as it is for Shepard she has to leave Nihlus. Together with Kaidan she makes her way to the other platform of the port. Powell said Saren headed to this direction so they'll follow him.

They have to fight several groups of Geth before they hit their destination with an transport platform only to find several demolition charges planted by the Geth. All set on five minutes.

Shepard silently thanks her father for forcing her to do the engineer training before she chose to become an infiltrator instead.

She orders Kaidan to cover her while she disarmes the chargers. They fight their way from platform to platform and finally reach the one with the beacon.

They take down the remaining Geth troopers, who defend the artefact and the last bomb. Kaidan covers Shepard once more while she disarmes the charger.

"All enemies down, Commander!" He informs her, while she struggles with the last bomb. Goddammit, only thirty seconds left.

When only five seconds are left on the timer, the charger finally shuts down and Shepard release a sigh in relief. They made it.

Kadain helps her to stand up and both take a closer look at the beacon, so much trouble for that thing? Shepard radios Joker again. "Normandy, the beacon is secure. We need an evac, Kaidan, stop!"

While she talks to Joker, Kaidan got too close to the artifact, which now glows in a green light, pulling the Sentinel closer.

Without thinking the Commander pushes Kaidan out of the way, taking his place.

Unable to move, Shepard gets lifted off the ground by the beacon. Her mind gets flooded by pictures without context until she feels an impact.

She can hear Kaidan yelling but his voice gets more and more distant until everything around her turns silent and finally black.
    
    
      
    
      
    
    

\--
    
    
      
    
      
    
    

This must be the worst headache ever. Shepards winces in pain as she tries to open up her eyes and to sit up.

Dr. Chakwas is standing by her side and helps her to get up. "You had us worried there, Shepard. How are you feeling?"

"Like shit. What happened?"

The doctor types on her 'tool before she answers. "You were out for about fifteen hours. Something happened down there with the beacon, I think."

"It's my fault." Kaidans sudden appearance makes Shepard jump. "I must have triggered some kind of security field when I approached it. You had to push me out of the way."

Right, the green light. Slowly the memories return. Shepard turns around to face him. "Kaidan, you had no way to know what would happen."

The Sentinel smiles at her in thanks for not tearing his head off. He was so worried about her when she didn't wake up.

Karin shakes her head. "Well, what ever happened down there, unfortunately we'll never get a chance to find out."

Kaidan comes closer to Karin, to actually face Shepard. "The beacon exploded, the blast knocked you cold. I had to carry you back to the ship."

Shepard sight, she remembers the impact. "Thank you, Kaidan. I appreciate it." Again he smiles shyly at her.

Wait a moment, where is?

"Nihlus?" she asks with a unsteady voice. Karin bites her lips before she answers.

"He, he's alive, for now. But we don't have much time. Captain Anderson ordered to get him to the Citadel. For now he's in coma. He lost too much blood."

Oh fuck. She told him going alone would be suicide… and she told him to drop dead. A wave of shame and regret washes over Shepard.

No matter what happened between them, he doesn't deserve that.

"Shepard, that's not your fault." Karin tries to comfort her friend, but it's not working.

The door to the med bay wooshes open with Captain Anderson entering. He dismisses everyone to talk in with Shapard in private. 

When everyone is out he turns around to her. "How are you feeling?"

"I'll live."

The Captain crosses his arms behind his back before he continues in a worrying voice. "I won't lie to you, Lynette. Things look bad, Nihlus life is hanging by a thread. The beacon was destroyed and the Geth are invading. The Council's going to want answers."

Of course they want. Shepard tries to defend herself. "I did what I could, Anderson. I really did."

"I'll stand behind you and your report, Lynette. You're a damn hero in my books but that's not why I am here. What's with the report of Saren?"

In the next following hour Shepard explains everything to her Captain, what happened on Eden Prime, what the survivors reported and what the beacon showed her.

It's hard to believe but Anderson never doubted her and he definitely will not start today. He wants her to testify against Saren once they arrived on the Citadel and Shepard gladly agrees.

After that is settled the Captain returns to his duties and orders Shepard to recover.

She stays on her cot for a moment to collect her thoughts. It's just too much.

She recognizes the locked door to the laboratory, that's where Nihlus must be. She considers to just go to the mess but somehow she can't.

Slowly she makes her way to the door and enters the codes to open it. It wooshes open and after Shepard takes a deep breath she goes in.

The sight of Nihlus cause tears to well in her eyes. He looks beyond misserble.

Guilt isn't even close to describe the ugly feeling that makes it hard for Shepard to breath. As much as she tried to deny it she still has feelings for him. She wishes she could take back all the mean things she said but she can't.

She comes closer to stand next to him. Carefully she takes his hand in hers. "Please don't die. Don't leave me alone with this mess, I need you."

Tears start running down her cheeks, which she quickly wipes away. "I shouldn't have said all these things. Shit, I'm sorry."

 

 

 

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

Shepards hands are sweating, she's nervous to face the Council and Saren. Kaidan offered to accompany her and she gladly took his offer.

 

The ride with the elevator is never-wrecking, all the Commander wants is to be done with the hearing but the elevator is painfully slow.

 

Kaidan notice that his Commander is on edge and tries to distract with a bit of small talk. Shepard appreciates his afford but it doesn't make facing the one who wanted to murder Nihlus any easier.

 

Finally they arrive at the final floor. Both soldiers step out and enter the council chamber. The view is breathtaking but Shepard has to hurry, Udina and the council can already be heard talking.

 

Shepard turns to her friend. "Thank you, Kaidan." And with that she joggs towards the stairs, Anderson is already waiting for her, he waves her to him. "Come on, the hearing has already started!"

 

Together they take the last steps to the final podium. They take their places next to Udina, the human ambassador.

 

The council and Saren stand on a podium across of them. Shepard takes a look at Sarens giant hologram. She was naive to think he'd show up in person.

 

The asari councilor is talking. "The Geth attack is a matter of some concern. But there is nothing to indicate Saren was involved in any way."

 

Wait, what? Is she kidding? Shepard bites her tongue to prevent herself from talking.

 

The turian councilor speaks up. "The investigation by C-sec turned up no evidence to support your charge of treason."

 

Shepard has to bite a bit harder, they can't be serious. Udina defense them. "An eyewitness saw him shooting Nihlus in cold blood!"

 

The salarian councilor shakes his head. "We've read the Eden Prime reports. The testimony of one traumatized dockworker is hardly compelling proof."

 

Saren interferes. "I resent these accusations. Nihlus was a fellow Spectre. And a friend."

 

Now the Commander is tasting blood. How dare he to say something like that. She wants to fire back but Anderson jumps in. "That just let you catch him off guard!"

 

Saren chuckles. "Captain Anderson. You always seem to be involved when humanity makes false charges against me. So, this must be your protégé, Commander Shepard. The one who let the beacon get destroyed."

 

Shepard has enough. "Eden Prime was a top secret mission, the only way you could know about the beacon was if you were there!"

 

But Saran chucked again while he shakes his head. "With Nihlus out of the picture, his files passed on me. I read the Eden Prime report. I was unimpressed. But what can you expect from a human? I was glad Nihlus saw reason after I talked him out of your disgusting involvement. Too bad you're his downfall after all."

 

This son of a bitch! Wasn't sabotaging the ceremony to honor her actions of saving innocents and her team from batarian pirates enough? Now he even has the nerve to drag her and Nihlus private affairs into the debate.

 

Shepard always had the suspicion of Saren being behind Nihlus sudden change of mind towards her and their relationship but hearing him saying that out loud, that he's admitting that, that is sickening.

 

Her blood is boiling, she tires to go closer to the edge as she screams at him. "You racist piece of trash have no right to comment on me and Nihlus! That's why he attacked Eden Prime, because he hates humans!"

 

Anderson has to gently pull Shepard back in line, to prevent her from jumping on the hologram.

 

Saren changes his tone to a more threatening one. "Your species needs to learn its place, Shepard. You're not ready to join the Council, you are not even ready to join the Spectres!"

 

Udina is furious. "He has no right to say any of that! That's not his decision!" The asari councilor agrees but Saren won't stop.

 

"This meeting has no purpose. The humans are wasting your and my time."

 

Why the hell is the council going so easy on Saren, even after what he just said? Shepard is losing her patience. "Saren is hiding behind his position as a Spectre, you need to open your eyes!"

 

But so is the salarian councilor. "What we need is evidence, Shepard."

 

Anderson tries to speak up again. "What about Shepards vision. It may have been triggered by the beacon."

 

Saran laughs loudly. "Really, Anderson? Are we now allowing dreams into evidence now? How can I defend my innocence against this kind of testimony?"

 

The turian councilor nods. "I agree, our judgment must be based on facts and evidence, not wild imaginings and reckless speculations."

 

The councilor of salarians agrees as well. "Do you have anything else to add, Commander Shepard?"

 

She considers firing back, but what's the use of it, the battle is lost. "What's the point of it? You made your decision. I'm not wasting my breath."

 

The members of the council look at each other before the asari speaks up. "The council has found no evidence of any connection between Saren and the Geth. Ambassador, your petition to have him disbarred from the Spectres is denied."

 

Saren smiles dirty at Shepard. "I'm glad to see justice is served."

 

That's it. Shepard steps closer to the edge of the podium once more. "I'll kill you, you hear me!" But he just cuts off the connection and is gone.

 

The asari councilor shakes her head "Commander Shepard, threads of murder are not helping you and this situation. This meeting is adjourned." And with that the council disappears.

 

What a waste of time. The Commander is so in rage, she has to go. Without a word she pushes herself past her captain and Udina and storms off to the elevator. She has to blow off steam.

 

 

\--

 

 

After Udina had a heated discussion with Anderson about Shepards unprofessional performance, the Captain is searching for her in the presidium.

 

Shepard took a walk to calm down, which hardly helped. She's still furious about what Saran said. She leans on a railing, watching the the busy life around her when Anderson approaches her.

 

"How bad?" She asks.

 

"Nothing I couldn't handle ." He jokes as he joins her at the railing. They look at the levels underneath them in silence for a while until Anderson turns to her.

 

"He wanted to provoke you, to make you look bad in front of the council."

 

Shepard sighs. "Yeah, and it worked. Fucking asshole. And about Nihlus?"

 

"I talked to Admiral Hackett, he assured me Nihlus location won't be passed on, the incident happened with him stationated on a ship of the Alliance and without us being a part of the Council we can keep this information from them. Don't worry."

 

Shepard smiles relieved, that was her major concern. There's no doubt Saren would send someone to finish what he had began.

 

But her smile fades again. They're are left with nothing, they can't charge Saran and they don't know what he's after and the twisted pictures the beacon shared don't help, either.

 

Anderson sees her inner conflict and wants to comfort her. "Hey, it's okay." He puts his arm around her shoulder. "We faced a lot of problems and always somehow solved them. We'll get him." He lets go of her and looks over the railing again.

 

Shepard appreciates how much Anderson really cares for her. With her Father being one of his best friends he kind of took his role after he got killed on the battlefield.

 

He looks at her concerned. "Have visited Nihlus yet?"

 

Shepard sighs and shakes her head. "No. I just can't. The sight of him in the med bay... I, I just can't."

 

Anderson just nods, he fully understands it. Shepard may not speak about it, yet would probably never admit it but she obviously still has feeling for the turian.

 

"I have an idea." He suddenly says with his face cracking a small smile. "How about we go down to the bar and call it a day?"

 

Shepard has to snort in amusement. "I'm right behind you."

 

 

\--

 

 

After one week on the Citadel, Shepard finally found evidence to charge Saran again. After she met and recruited the turian Garrus and a krogan named Wrex, she saved a young quarian called Tali, who has an audio file from Saren and his partner.

 

Tali got it from a Geth memory core, with her being a tech-expert she was able to save informations. The young woman told Shepard the Geth believe that a machine race, the Reapers, wiped out the protheans. They are Gods in their eyes and they believe Saren can bring them back.

 

Now the message of the beacon makes sense, that's what Shepard saw, the extinction of the protheans, hunted down by the Reapers. The Commander would kiss the quarian if it wouldn't kill her.

 

Once again are Shepard, Anderson and Udina standing in front of the Council with Shepards new team standing right behind them. Udina plays the audio.

 

'Eden Prime was a major victory! The beacon has brought us one step closer to finding the Conduit.'

 

'And one step closer to the return of the Reapers.'

 

Udina stands straight, proud. "You wanted proof, there you go."

 

The turian councilor looks at his hands in shame. "This evidence is irrefutable, Ambassador. Saren will be stripped of his Spectre status and all efforts will be made to bring him in to answer for his crimes."

 

Shepard relaxes, finally, they have him. She smiles at Anderson who smiles back at her.

 

"I recognize the other voice." The asari councilor says in worry. "The one speaking with Saren, Matriarch Benezia."

 

"I'm more interested in the Reapers." The salarian councilor takes a step forward. "What do you know about them?"

 

Anderson answers. "According to the Geths memory core they are an ancient race of machines that wiped out the protheans, they have vanished, and the Geth believe they are gods, with Saren being the prophet for their return. We think the Conduit is the key to bringing them back, that's why Saren attacked Eden Prime."

 

The salarian councilor frowns at this answer. "Do we even know what the conduit is?"

 

Shepard sighs, why is that important? "Saren thinks it can bring back the Reapers, that's bad enough."

 

"Listen to what you're saying." The turian isn't buying it. "Saren wants to bring back the machines that wiped out all life in the galaxy. Impossible, it has to be."

 

Shepard rolls her eyes as she crosses her arms in front of her chest. This must be a joke, is this a deja vu?

 

But he continues. "Where did he Reapers go, why did they vanish, how come we found no evidence of their existence? If they were real, we'd have found something."

 

"But we did!" Shepard speaks up. "The beacon showed me how the Reapers hunted the protheans down to extinction, it must have been some sort of memory device."

 

The turian chuckles. "Yeah, you mean your story of a bad dream you had after you accidentally activated the beacon, which exploded afterwards."

 

Shepard shakes her head in disbelief. "The ship we recorded on Eden Prime looks exactly like the things the beacon showed me! I tried to warn you about Saren and you refused to face the truth. And now you're doing it again!"

 

"But this is different." The asari speaks up. "You proved Saren betrayed the Council. We all agree he's using the Geth to search for the Conduit, but we don't know why."

 

But they do, Shepard and Anderson just told them. Damn, politicians are frustrating.

 

The salarian steps forward once more. "Commander, the Reapers are obviously a myth. A convenient lie to cover Sarens true purpose. A legend he is using to bend the Geth to his will, maybe you saw the ship in your dream because you saw something like it in the distress call."

 

After a groan in annoyance the Commander speaks up again. "Fifty thousand years ago, the Reapers wiped out all galactic civilization, if Saren finds the Conduit, it will happen again!"

 

The turian chuckles again. "Shepard, Saren is a rogue agent on the run for his life. He no longer has the rights or resources of a Spactre."

 

Udina cannot stay quiet any longer. "That's not good enough! You know he is hiding somewhere in the Traverse. Send your fleet in!"

 

The salarian shakes his head. "No, a fleet cannot track down one man."

 

Udian shakes his head as well, the councilor obviously is not understanding. "A Citadel fleet could secure the entire region. Keep the Geth from attacking any more of our colonies!"

 

"Or it could trigger a war with the Terminus Systems!" The turian is slowly losing his patience. "We won't be dragged into a galactic confrontation over a few dozen human colonies."

 

"I bet you wouldn't say that if they were turian colonies." Shepard hisses in anger. He's just as racist, obviously the council doesn't care for other species but their own.

 

"I have a suggestion." Anderson suddenly jumps in. "There may be a way to stop Saren without a fleet or armies."

 

The turian frowns as he realizes what Anderson is referring to. "No! That's way too soon. Humanity is not ready for the responsibilities that come with joining the Spectres!"

 

Shepard looks at Anderson in bewilderment, is he seriously suggesting that? Now?

 

"See it that way, councilor." Anderson continues in a calm voice. "You don't have to send fleets and the ambassador gets his human Spectre. Everyone is happy."

 

The council discusses it for a while before they return to face the humans. They type into the console in front of them to confirm their decision.

 

The asari comes closer to the edge of their podium. "Commander Shepard, step forward."

 

Wait. That's not happening right now, is it? Shepard looks at Anderson who just nods with a smile. Shepard does as she is told and the asari continues.

 

"It's the decision of the Council that you are granted all the powers and privileges of the Special Tactics and Reconnaissance branch of the Citadel. They are our right hand, our instruments of our will. From now on you are the first human Spectre, Commander. This is a great accomplishment for you and your entire species."

 

All eyes are on Shepard who still can't believe this is really happening. "Thank you, councilor." She would feel honored if it would be the result of her actions on the battlefield and not a desperate attempt to hide the fact that they don't want to send resources to the Traverse.

 

The salarian speaks up again. "We send you into the Traverse after Saran. Use any means necessary to apprehended or eliminate him."

 

The second one most likely. No, definitely.

 

"This meeting of the Council is adjourned." The asari says before the council leaves again.

 

Anderson pats Shepard on her shoulder proudly. Not only did they proved Sarens involvement but also made Shepard the first human Spectre.

 

But this is just the beginning. Shepard and her team have to find and stop a prophet of mechanical Gods. Hell is just about to break lose.

 

 

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

It's been one week since Nihlus woke up, but only now is Anderson allowed to see him. He's wasting no time and goes for the Alliance Care Center immediately. 

 

The shuttle drops him right in front of the building. He's nervous, every councilor agreed on keeping news from the turian, as long as he is in recovery. 

 

But Anderson doesn't intend to lie at Nihlus, he deserves to know but how do you tell a soldier his friend and trainer turned on him? 

 

It's not like Anderson lacked the time to consider how to address it, it's just an awful situation. 

 

Quickly he passes the corridors to find Nihlus room. He enters after a knock on the door, but the room's empty. A nurse comes in right after Anderson, she explains Nihlus is off to a memory test but will return soon. 

 

Anderson thanks her and decides to wait. In the meantime he can try to calm his nerves and make up his mind about what to say and how to say it. 

 

He starts pacing around. It helps but he stops in track when he sees a card laying on the nightstand. No one knows Nihlus is here, who sent it? The curiosity gets the better of Anderson, he takes a closer look. 

 

That mess is definitely Shepards handwriting, no doubt. So she was here. That's going to make the following conversation even more unpleasant. 

 

Anderson turns around when he hears the door behind him open. 

 

Nihlus enters, he balances his weight with a crutch. Of course he wouldn't survive a shot in the head without having at least one handicap. 

 

"Captain Anderson? What are you doing here?" Nihlus looks at him in confusion. 

 

"Hello, Kryik. Anderson is just fine, I'm not a Captain anymore."

 

Now the turian is even more confused, he stumbles his way to a stool and sits down. "I'd ask what happened but since no one here cares to answer my questions I won't waste my breath."

 

Anderson can't help but to feel sorry, being left in the dark after surviving a headshot must be horrible. He crosses his hands behind his back. "Today's your lucky day then,  with me being the CO back then, I feel like it's my duty to answer every of your questions." 

 

Nihlus looks at him for a second, not really believing him.

 

Anderson sees the doubt in Nihlus eyes. "The council ordered to keep informations from you for as long as you are on recovery. On the one hand to ensure your memory won't be clouded by secondhand intel and on the other hand to prevent you from getting a shock."

 

Nihlus frowns. "Shock? I survived a bullet to the head, I don't think you could shock me."

 

Oh, Anderson wishes for it to be true, but he knows better. "So, let's start with Eden Prime, what do you remember?" 

 

Nihlus leans back against the wall and stretches his legs out. "Ehm, we wanted to recover an prothean artifact. But the whole colony was infested with Geth and something that was kind of human, never saw things like that before. I went to the spaceport but after that everything is black." 

 

Anderson takes a stool as well and sits down across from the turian. "Alright, the following may be disturbing. First of all the artefact, the beacon, was some kind of prothean intel memory. It showed how the protheans extinct" 

 

Nihlus stays silent as Anderson tries to explain. "The reason why the Geth attacked was because they thought the beacon would tell them how to bring the species back that hunted down the protheans."

 

Hm, that fits. Synthetics trying to kill the organics isn't something new, the quarians know that better than anyone else. 

 

"But it wasn't a Geth that tried to kill you. It was Saren."

 

Nihlus shakes his head. "No, you must be mistaken. Why would he do that and how could he even know, the mission was top secret?"

 

"The protheans were hunted down by a machine race called the Reapers, they were Gods to the Geth. The unknown ship we saw in the distress call was a Reaper and Saren was able to communicate with it, he was a prophet to the Geth. He had to kill you in order to get the beacon."

 

This can't be true, Nihlus isn't buying it. "Anderson, are you sure I'm the one who got shot in the head?" 

 

As serious as the topic is but Anderson has to crack a smile at this comment. "I know how crazy this sounds, I had a hard time believing it myself, but we found evidence for everything."

 

The turian still isn't convinced but he decides to roll with it. "Okay, so what about Saren?" 

 

"A dock worker saw how he shot you but that wasn't enough for the council, it took us some time and work but in the end we had enough evidence to charge Saren, and the council stripped him his status as a Spectre."

 

It is still hard to believe his trainer tried to kill him, Nihlus trusted him with his life and he turned on him on first chance he got. "Where is he now?" 

 

"Dead, but let's start in a chronical order. After Saren lost his status, Shepard was granted her status as a Spectre."

 

Lynette really became the first human Spectre, that's wonderful. "Where is she? I saw the card, but I can't read anymore, thanks to Saren, I guess." 

 

Anderson sighs. "We get there in a minute. So, with her new status the council sent her after him. And damn, it was everything but easy. I'll cut it down to the very important parts, we can get to the depth of it another time."

 

How much exactly missed Nihlus, how long was he out? "Okay, I'm in. Tell me."

 

Anderson tries to explain everything as shortly but also as precisely as possible. Feros, Noveria, Virmire and Ilos.

 

Even the short cutted story is too much for Nihlus. The Rachni are back, a ship that can brainwash people, a possible cure for genophage? When Anderson comes to the part with the final battle Nihlus has to stop him. "Captain, stop. That's all a bit overwhelming."

 

Anderson nods. "I understand. We can continue another time, if you want to." 

 

Nihlus is about to agree when he suddenly realizes Anderson still didn't say a word about Lynettes whereabouts. "What's with Shepard? You still didn't told me where she is." 

 

Anderson sighs. "Kyrik, let me finish and then I'll tell you, okay?" 

 

Nihlus folds his arm in front of his chest. "Fine." 

 

And so Anderson continues, he tells Nihlus about the attack of the Sovereign, that the Alliance saved the Council and that Shepard stopped Saren and the Reaper inversion. 

 

Of course she did. She's as stubborn as a krogan, and as fiercely if she wants to. Nihlus has to smile but it fades when he recognizes Andersons change of mood. "Captain?" 

 

"Nihlus, you were in coma for almost eight months. A lot happened and changed it that time."

 

Nihlus eyes go wide in shock. Eight months? That's so long. 

 

"And like I said, I'm not a Captain anymore. I'm now the first human councilor." 

 

The what? Nihlus can't believe that. It's just too much. He looks at his hands as he tries to comprehend this flood of informations.

 

"So, about Shepard." 

 

Nihlus heads snaps up again. What's coming now? Did she become the queen of earth, Primarch on Palaven? 

 

Anderson takes a deep breath before he continues. 

 

"After the fight was over the council sent her and the Normandy to eliminate the remaining Geth. They got attacked, the enemy ripped the ship apart within seconds. Shepard stayed until everyone was evacuated. She authorized the launch of last escape shuttle but didn't make it onto it."

 

Dead. Lynette Shepard is dead. 

 

The Councilor is visibility struggling with this and Nihlus is stunned. She made it so far just to go down with her ship? 

 

"That was seven weeks ago." Anderson adds.

 

Nihlus sighs. "I can't believe it." is all he's able to say. 

 

Anderson considers to say more but it's obvious that Nihlus needs time comprehend everything he just learned from him. 

 

The Councilor stands up, ready to take his leave. "I'll go now, take your time with this, I know it's hard. Contact me whenever you have questions or just need somebody to talk to, alright?" 

 

The turian nods in silence. He turns his head towards the nightstand, towards her card. 

 

Anderson goes for the door but turns around one final time. "Nihlus, I know it's not my place to say anything but… whatever happened between you and her, she still cared. I just thought you should know that." 

 

And with that the Councilor is gone. 

 

Nihlus takes his crutch and stumbles his way to his bed. He sits down and takes the card in his hand. Even though he can't read a single word he knows it from her. 

 

Now he's more eager than ever to do the recovery. 

 

 

 

\--

 

 

 

Four months after Nihlus opened up his eyes for the first time in moths he's finally making progress in the physiotherapy. No longer is he relying on the crutch. 

 

The prospect of a complete recovery drives him on to go to his limits every single day. He's more than thankful for the care and help of the Alliance but he's more than glad to be finally able to leave the center soon. 

 

After one month of constantly learning how to read and write again he's finally able to read Shepards card. 

 

He's sitting on his bed, fumbling with the piece of paper. As much as he wants to know what it says, he is afraid of what he'll read. 

 

They are Lynettes last words to him. 

 

Nihlus takes a deep breath and turns the card around. He opens his omnitool and runs a linguistic program to translate it. 

 

His heart starts racing as he watches the loading bar. The buzzing of his omnitool signals him the transition is done. 

 

 

_I'm sorry. For everything._

_For what I've done and for what I've said._

_I just want you to know that. Maybe I won't be able to tell you that in person since I'll most likely won't be here when you wake up. I hope you'll recover soon, I need you, more than ever. Contact me when you're able to, I'll come by as soon as I can._

_Promise me to get well soon, okay?_

_~~I love you~~  _

_\- Lynette_

 

 

Nihlus reads it three more times before he turns his omnitool off. His hands are shaking. "Spirits, Lynette."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
